SHOULD WE HAVE A FIRST DANCE?

First dances between the newlyweds (and sometimes extra dances with close loved ones) are a firm tradition at the start of many wedding receptions, originally meant as a way for the guests of honour to lead a formal celebration. But they're not for everyone! If you've started thinking about your night then the subject of opening the dancefloor has probably already come up, so what if the idea fills you with dread?

Maybe you're not keen because dancing in front of your guests at the end of a long day can feel overwhelming. But there are so many alternatives to choose from, so I've written a few ideas I've picked up so far, based on where you sit on the first dance spectrum:

You know you don't want a first dance. At all.

You absolutely do not have to include every wedding tradition in your day, so if you fall into this camp, then good on you for getting there!

You might still be thinking about how to open up the dancing for the evening. Wedding guests are creatures of habit and are likely to need warming up after a big meal, so they might be expecting something to show them it's time to start the party. Your entertainer or MC can help with this - either by choosing an incredible song to kick things off, or simply making an announcement to encourage everybody to the dancefloor.

You know you don't want a traditional first dance. But you want to do something...

There are so many alternatives that you could choose instead of a slow dance.

I've seen newlyweds wow their party with a choreographed routine at the start of the night. This might feel like too much - but having pre-wedding dance lessons can be a huge confidence boost if you normally feel self-conscious while dancing (Where do I look? What do I do with my hands?!) so could be worth a try, even if you decide not to perform a full routine on the night.

Tango tickle your fancy? (Credit: Marina Zvada via Unsplash)

Some other ideas you could choose:

• Maybe you have a diverse family heritage that you'd like to honour - are there any traditional dances or ceremonies you can introduce at this part of the night?

• A ceremony involving sparklers, blow-outs or some other props (which will also make a great photo opportunity)

• You could throw a Bongo's Bingo-style game with music, prizes and tons of laughs.

• Do you have a special talent you could perform instead of a slow dance?

• Are you fans of Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or even Gladiators? You could start with a themed battle/duel, and ask your guests to decide the winner.

• How about a party game like musical chairs or statues, or a dance-off where anyone can join in with their signature moves - the sillier the better

  
  

Why not try an arm-wrestling competition, like this definitely-not-staged photo suggests. (Credit: Edvinas Ivanovas via Unsplash)

You can also involve other guests - members of your immediate family, your chosen family, or just dance together long enough to get your dramatic newlywed dancefloor photos, then drag everyone else up as soon as possible!

You've decided you're having a first dance - but can't choose a song!

Newlyweds sharing a romantic moment on the dancefloor (Credit: Simon Kessler via Unsplash)

This can be such a tough decision, so it's no wonder you're struggling to decide. Maybe you have some ideas already, or maybe you're starting from a completely blank page.

You could start by thinking about the vibe you want for this part, and be reassured that it doesn't need to match the rest of the evening*. Do you want this to be romantic and slow, cool and laid back, or fun and upbeat? How you want your first dance to feel could dictate whether you decide on a ballad, rock classic or pop tune.

Make a (short!) playlist of your shared favourites. If you use streaming services, you could add some other tracks that the algorithm suggests and see if any of those work for you.

Maybe there's a song with significance to a loved one, or someone you want to remember on the day - choosing a musical memory for a first dance song can be a beautiful way to honour a person or people close to you.

Slow, ballad-style first dance songs can feel like they're playing out for a long time, usually by the second verse. So if you want your DJ to jump to the crescendo or cut the song short, don't be afraid to ask and they can plan accordingly for you!

Don't overthink it: many nearlyweds get caught up over this decision, and while it's true that you'll remember your first dance song, your guests probably won't (unless it's really out there!) - that might sound harsh, but unless you choose a song well-known for first dances (John Legend or Ed Sheeran, anyone?), many won't know the song well enough. Instead, they'll just remember the overall mood you created. So pick a song you love, make peace with the fact you might have chosen a different one on a different day - and enjoy the moment!

*On this subject - to me, the song that plays AFTER the first dance is the one I agonise over the most - this is where I can completely switch up the energy and tempt the rest of your guests to the dancefloor. So if you have a preference for this then make sure you tell your band or DJ!

Please just remember - whatever you choose to do, if it feels right then it's the best decision for you.